ENT: Fallen Hero

         Apparently today the Vulcans are back to being stoic heroes and totally aren't back stabbing bastards. Also they have warships? I guess it makes sense that at some point in their history they had warships, but it just seems kinda out of place. This certainly felt a lot more like the Vulcans I remember than just about any other depiction. In this case they actually do seem to be acting logically which isn't something I can say about the rest of ENT. This episode sure isn't perfect, but I don't think I am going to get perfect again in Trek until hopefully DSC is actually good again. Two things that aren't surprising at all is that this episode introduced the idea of Risa and that Trip is STOKED to visit. The character they still can't seem to nail is T'Pol who is once again all over the map.
         We open with T'Pol trying to talk Archer and Trip into a visit to Risa. Well, she doesn't have to talk Trip into it very hard. As they prepare to leave they get a priority mission to go get some Vulcan ambassador who has committed a crime and take her back to a Vulcan ship. Hoshi volunteers her quarters which T'Pol appreciates, but also worries that they smell too bad. V'Lar arrives and doesn't seem worried about the charges. She is also hella more chill that T'Pol and is eager to thank Hoshi. The next day the people who charged V'Lar are back and demand she be handed over and open fire when Archer refuses. They start fleeing but aren't fast enough to get away. They try hailing the Vulcans but they are being jammed. They get into a race but totally lose and get captured. Archer tries to stall while V'Lar is rushed to sickbay. Archer sucks and stalling like he sucks at fighting though and soon the hostiles arrive in sickbay. They open fire on the scanner where V'Lar is supposedly being treated. The Vulcan's show up apparently too late but it turn out V'Lar is alive after the bad guys give up their guns.

         Review: There is a bunch of stuff about trusting humans that I skipped because it didn't actually affect the outcome of the episode, at all. This episode isn't terrible to watch at all, but it is still kinda bland.

4 out of 10

ENT: Vox Sola

         I think the writers of ENT think that science fiction means you come up with a crazy monster, and that is about as far as they got. When it comes to actually making the creature interesting or saying something about society as it is now, they totally fail. Instead it is all about Hoshi flailing around not trusting herself and then punching a bunch of buttons. I know they mostly all have incomprehensible space jobs, but hers seems especially tenuous. They give her grammar words to throw around when they want her to sound serious, but that is about it. Also this week she thinks T'Pol hates her I guess? Didn't really work.
         We open with one set of aliens leaving Enterprise all pissed off about some sort of misunderstanding Hoshi can't quite figure out. As their ship undocks a strange, slimy looking alien crawls off their ship and onto Enterprise. There is a B story about Archer trying to get Trip interested in water polo but that doesn't actually go anywhere. The alien starts kidnapping people in a cargo bay with slimy tentacles. Archer and Trip lead a team to investigate, but are both caught in the slimy web and Malcolm has to flee in defeat. Now Hoshi has to try and figure out how to talk to it while Malcolm develops the first ever forcefield to try and do, I am not sure what actually. I mean, hold it back, but why this couldn't be done with a video screen or window is totally unclear. Phlox figures out the thing is actually smart so now Hoshi has to get over her Vulcan hate and let T'Pol help her. But of course she does it pretty much on her own anyway since this show hates Vulcans. Travis has a kinda out of the blue scene with the aliens from the opening where he has to apologize for whatever it was they did wrong which works and they get the location of the creatures home planet. Hoshi gets a box to talk to the creature for her and it calms down and releases all the captured people for no more reason than why it kidnapped them in the first place. They take it home and leave it with the rest of it since it is apparently one huge organism or something?

         Review: Normally I really like episodes that try new things, but this time I was pretty disappointed. Almost no part of the story actually worked despite having the structure of a story that actually makes sense buried in there somewhere.

3 out of 10

ENT: Detained

         This is an episode about Japanese interment camps, or at least what the writers thought they knew about such camps. I am not saying they are broadly wrong about whether the camps were moral or not, they weren't, but the Suliban are an actual alien race which is carefully using spies hidden among civilians to infiltrate. By making the villains here the mustache twirling type the episode ended up a lot less interesting that it deserved to be. Also I am honestly not sure what Archer hoped to accomplish with his little prison break. Sure they prisoners got to shuttles or whatever, but do they really think this is the only camp?
         We open with Travis and Archer stuck in some kind of alien prison full of Suliban. The warded apologizes to Archer since he realizes they are there incorrectly but also refuses to let them go. They will be given a hearing but they must be held until then or specifically until Archer can bond with the Suliban and help them escape. Archer quickly figures out the Suliban in this facility aren't members of the Cabal and aren't a threat to the locals and since this show is hella two dimensional he is totally right about literally all of them. Enterprise gets notified that Archer and Travis are being held and after teching the tech a bit they track them down and beam a communicator to Archers cell. But of course he doesn't want to actually be rescued. He makes friends with a Suliban and comes up with a plan to blow their way out with the help of a shuttle from Enterprise. Since they don't even believe in the concept of the prime directive this episode they show up guns blazing and blast holes in the walls. Archer has to have a "meaningful" argument with the warden and end up not hitting the guy. And that is basically the end. No resolution to the actual problem, just a quick patch.

         Review: This was a fairly fun episode to watch, but not a fun one to go back and think about. Still not as bad as I have seen, but I have been watching a lot of Enterprise...

4 out of 10

ENT: Oasis

         Of all the recent guest stars in ENT Rene Auberjonois is the most obvious, but also honestly the best. This episode has a bit of a strange premise and I couldn't help wonder for a while if they were secretly Changelings or something, but the hologram plot was interesting too. I actually wish they had played up the idea that Ezral had gone crazy a bit more, but it did still work for him to realize he was wrong in the end. It did make me wonder if he really could have just left much earlier when he only needed a few parts to get his ship moving, but that isn't a disaster. Also it seems odd to hide your life signs in a totally lootable ship and not have a plan to defend against actual looters. I guess a bunch of holograms with guns is a thing, but only if they don't just knock your power out.
         We open with the captain having dinner with Trip, T'Pol and some rockheaded trader. He is only interested in luxury goods but trades a tip on a wreck ship with the materials they need for a few pounds of coffee. He does warn them thought that the ship may be haunted. Archer decides to investigate any way and at first everything seems just as promised: wrecked ship, no life signs. But once they start poking around they discover there are a bunch of people on board, they just have cloaked life signs. Archer offers to help repair their ship and they agree but their leader named Ezral seems hesitant to let outsiders in, but he does badly need repairs. They claim to have been there for three years but things don't seem to check out. Ezral's daughter, Liana, works with Trip and the two really hit it off. He takes her up to Enterprise for some ice cream and heavy flirting but while they are up there they discover escape pods in orbit. When they bring one it they find it is the body of one of the guys Trip was just talking to. First T'Pol and then Trip are captured and forced to complete repairs. Archer sends a rescue team but they are overwhelmed by the invincible holograms. Liana has second thoughts though and disables all the holograms revealing only her and her father are real. Ezral explains he had no way to get out and wanted a community for his daughter to grow up in since they had actually been there 20+ years. In the end he agrees to leave though for Liana's sake.

         Review: In not for the guest star performance this might have been kinda drag, but Rene really helped make this one a bit more memorable than usual.

6 out of 10

ENT: Acquisition

         I gotta say the Ferengi are just the right level of sleazy to work well for ENT. I really hope this isn't the last we see of them. This is one of those episodes that I don't think Kirk could watch without breaking his television. What I mean is Archer allows himself to be shackled over and over by a clearly incompetent Ferengi whose grip on his gun is clearly lacking. I suppose the real reason is probably since they already had the ending in their heads when they were writing it, but it makes him look like quite a wimp. I am also not sure what the point of T'Pol hiding and listening in was supposed to be. I guess she moves stuff around to make the Ferengi in fight more, but they don't actually show her doing it which was a poor choice.
         We open with Ferengi boarding Enterprise which appears to be adrift. All the crew are asleep and the Ferengi start grabbing everything that isn't bolted down, and unbolting some of the stuff that is. We can't understand what they are saying though and the proceed with looting everything they can. Trip wakes up in the decon chamber upset that Phlox left him in there so long and manages to force his way out and realizes everyone is unconscious. He manages to hide from the Ferengi (luckily there are only 4 of them). The Ferengi wake Archer after chaining him up and beat him up demanding to know how to get into the vault. He sees whats going on and negotiates with them for his own cut but their greed gets in the way (makes you wonder what he would have done if they had agreed. I bet he didn't have a plan.). He gets assigned to help the lowest ranking Ferengi load the loot. He starts trying to convince the guy to turn on his buddies even though he could clearly take him in a fight. Well, actually Archer probably couldn't. He manages to wake T'Pol and she sneaks off to work with Trip. Trip gets caught though and the Ferengi demand he tells them where the vault is and Archer pretends to try and beat him up for telling. T'Pol starts moving loot around to get them to think one of them is stealing from the rest and the tensions rise. Trip leads the three greediest Ferengi into a trap and T'Pol knocks them all out with a phaser. They leave the low ranking guy in charge and leave after giving the Ferengi a stern warning. 

         Review: A lot of the plot of this episode didn't work but I actually really enjoyed the depiction of earlier Ferengi. They visually resembled the action figures Quark had from his childhood which was a fun touch. Still kinda weak as episodes go.

4 out of 10

ENT: Rogue Planet

         If I read a story summary of this episode I would have no problem agreeing that it sounds like a perfectly valid episode of Star Trek. Unfortunately ENT managed to find a way to bumble through so badly that it ends up being pretty bad overall. First of all why are there plants on this dark rogue planet? Being a rogue planet means it has no star so there is not going to be enough light to allow plants to grow. I don't hate the idea of life on the surface assuming you can accept that the planet is internally hot enough for a comfortable surface. I really wish they had it turn out that the psychic slug people were also evil or something, but that would have actually been interesting. Instead it goes full anti-hunting from the crew who spend lots of time mocking Vulcans for not eating meat.
         We open with the discovery of a rogue planet in the deeps of space, and surprisingly there is already a spacecraft on the surface. Archer leads an away team down and they are quickly ambushed by a group of hunters. Luckily it turns out they aren't what is being hunted and the crew are invited back to camp. They all hang out and discuss their differences over the ethics of hunting and Malcolm is eager to join in. They all camp out for the night but Archer stays up later than the rest of them and is lured into the woods by a female voice and catches a glimpse of a fleeing worman. Nobody believes him the next day and the hunt begins again but one of the hunters is badly injured by a wraith, apparently their prey. The man is taken to Phlox who can easily treat him but finds evidence that the creature who attacked him was a psychic shapeshifter. Archer gets lured into the woods again and this time talks to the woman who tells him she is in danger but disappears when T'Pol arrives. Archer decides the lady he loves is no trick and the hunters are hunting her so he has Phlox make a chemical that will make the wraiths undetectable to the hunters sensors so he gives it to her and they leave.

         Review: There are a bunch of ways this episode could have been interesting but they managed to carefully avoid just about all of them. Having Archer be hella dumb about something and then turn out to be right just makes the writers seem extra stupid.

3 out of 10

ENT: Fusion

         I guess this was supposed to be the big reveal of the mindmeld into Trek, but it didn't feel very monumental. In fact it made mindmelding seem kinda rapey in a way it didn't before. I guess it was always a pretty invasive thing, but the way Spock used it seemed pretty different. Also it seemed like the Vulcan's by and large were pretty with it for having embraced their emotions. I guess the Vulcans are just a bunch of stuck up prudes (at least in the minds of ENT writers). The B story about the Vulcan not wanting to call home wasn't terrible, but it was a cliche that played out exactly how you expect which is obviously boring. I didn't hate this episode, but it wasn't great in any way either.
         We open with Archer showing T'Pol the astronomy that has an image on the cover of the nebula they are about to visit. In fact it is clearly the exact same image as the one on the book in every shot, but whatever. As they approach an old Vulcan ship approaches and hails and the greeting seems warmer than usual. Archer agrees to help them with repairs and it turns out these Vulcans embrace emotions. Trip spends his time with their engineer named Kov who wants to learn all about humans. T'Pol meanwhile picks up stalker Tolaris who really wants to get her to embrace emotions. He talks her into not meditating before sleeping and she has intense sexual dreams and heads to sickbay as soon as she wakes up. At work that day Tolaris asks her about it and she admits it was terrifying but also exhilarating. Archer gets a call from Starfleet requesting that he try to get Kov to call his dad. It seems they haven't spoken in years and his father is dying. Archer fails to get him to and gives the job to Trip who gives a full pep-talk about regrets. T'Pol meanwhile mindmelds with Tolaris who doesn't stop when she tells him too which again sends her to sickbay. Archer confronts Tolaris who blows up and throws Archer across the room. The two ships part company but before they to Kov tells Trip that he spoke to his dad who is going to make a recovery.

         Review: Not much going in in this episode and as usual I found the parts with Trip the best. Trip and Phlox are the only two characters I give a damn about at this point and this episode features one of them which is the only thing that keeps the score from going even lower.

4 out of 10

ENT: Shuttlepod One

         From the title I assumed (correctly) that this was a reference to Galileo Seven about a shuttle stranding. Luckily it didn't do the same story though and this has the potential to be a pretty good episode. But they made two serious errors that kinda doomed the whole thing. First of all by cutting back to Enterprise for essentially no reason (the B story is SUPER weak and basically just Archer not listening to that damn Vulcan science garbage) and second making Malcolm so actually annoying. I totally get wanting to send a message to your family when you are pretty sure you aren't going to survive. But spending days recording messages to every ex-girlfriend you have ever had seems a bit much. Especially when there are things you could be doing that might actually increase your odds of survival. Trip may be a bit of an idiot at times, but I would work with him any day before Malcolm.
         We open with Trip and Malcolm bickering in a shuttlepod (presumably number one). Communications and sensors are out so Trip is working to repair them and since that isn't related to shooting shit Malcolm decides to read a book and complain about Americans. They find some wreckage that has debris from Enterprise smashed on an asteroid and realize they are stranded with only ten days air. Cut to Enterprise (and get rid of most of the tension in the episode) where they are taking the passengers of the ship that exploded and damaged Enterprise home (the source of the debris). Back in the shuttlepod Malcolm is spending literally every waking moment recording messages for pretty much every person he has known in his life which is funny since he doesn't seem to actually be close to anybody. Instead of wallowing in self pity Trip gets to work actually trying to save them.
         Trip realizes they can last long without heat to that gets turned off and they continue to fight. Until they break into the bourbon and suddenly they are best buddies or something. And also cold. Eventually the work Trip was doing pays off and they get a message from Enterprise but can't respond. So Malcolm comes up with a plan to detonate their engine core which Enterprise should be able to detect and get there faster. It works and they both wake up being warmed by Phlox and Malcolm not considers Trip his friend but Trip is still unconscious so who knows.

         Review: Another decent episode with some good moments that are spoiled but some bad decisions that drag it back to average.

5 out of 10

ENT: Shadows of P'Jem

         I am glad to see that ENT is willing to actually acknowledge that past episodes happened. That is honestly my least favorite part of TOS and I am glad it isn't a part they decided to copy. At the same time the level of bland they are accomplishing is pretty monumental. Archer was mistaken for a porter. Yup. Would any other Trek captain have that mistake made about them? I don't think so. On the other hand it totally makes sense that T'Pol would take the blame for the P'Jem incident. It was pretty much entirely her fault. Well, I guess she didn't know the Andorians were there already, but why would she let them stop by a listening post in the first place. I am not even sure if she was supposed to know that already and it isn't like it gets addressed seriously. Also, why can she lie all the time? They even point out in this episode that she can't lie right before she does and there is never any explanation. Is she going to turn out to be a secret Romulan? Probably not, that would actually be interesting.         
         We open with some Vulcan telling Admiral Forrest that P'Jem was destroyed by the Andorians after it was revealed by Enterprise and that he is breaking off joint fleet operations. Back on Enterprise Archer is planning an expedition to a heavily populated planet to say hi. En route he gets a call from Forrest telling him that T'Pol is getting picked up by a Vulcan ship in a few days to go back to Vulcan forever. Archer is pissed but T'Pol takes it like a Vulcan when she gets the news. To try and bond with T'Pol I guess Archer picks her over Trip who really wants to go and Sato who can actually talk to people. Luckily they are shot down and taken prisoner by some sort of rebels who demand weapons for their release. 
         On Enterprise Malcolm is eager to mount an armed rescue but is slowed down by the arrival of the Vulcans who insist on taking over the operation. Ignoring them Malcolm heads down with Trip but they are captured but the Andorians. They end up teaming up with them to attack the rebels at the exact moment the Vulcans show up to mount a similar rescue. Luckily everybody restricts their fire to rebels and T'Pol jumps in front of a blast aimed at the head Vulcan. Archer convinces him to put in a good word for her so she can stay on Enterprise and when she wakes up T'Pol has no objections.

         Review: There is some really dumb stuff in here but also some really decent character bits. Writing it up I think I liked it better than watching which does at least drag it up to average.

5 out of 10

ENT: Sleeping Dogs

         Presumably the sleeping dogs of the title refers to the Klingons who are unconscious around the ship. But being unconscious isn't the same thing as sleep. They seem determined to save these Klingons but don't bother to try and keep them from dying where they lie which seems kinda counter to their goals. I think this episode mostly exists to make Hoshi seem like a stronger character and yes, she does do her job of translating stuff and it is important, but that is really it. I mean, sure, she does the basics of her job, but she is hardly the hero of the story. If anything that is Malcolm or possibly Archer which isn't exactly new ground for this series.
         We open with Malcolm teaching Hoshi how to shoot her phase-pistol and she seems ok at it but he isn't impressed. On the bridge they have encountered a gas giant with an unknown vessel gradually sinking into its atmosphere with life signs. Archer sends T'Pol, Malcolm and Hoshi to investigate and they discover it is a Klingon ship with an unconscious crew. They start looking around and are watched by a female Klingon who is clearly awake. She attacks Malcolm and steals the shuttlepod but Archer manages to get her with the grappler before she can escape. They knock her out with their phase-pistols and Archer stupidly decides to attempt a rescue with Enterprise but almost immediately gives up. There is some humor about alien food but basically they figure out the ship isn't getting going again. On Enterprise Phlox figures out the Klingons were poisoned by some bad booze and they convince the female Klingon to help them. Archer flies the shuttle-pod back and they get the ship going but more Klingons show up and threaten everybody. But Archer out threatens them and they all go about their way peacefully.

         Review: Watching this it was fun and seemed to make sense. But that is the value of writing up a summary, this episode has a bunch of terrible decisions by Archer once again. And it isn't like people don't make mistakes, but how the hell did this guy become a captain?

4 out of 10

ENT: Dear Doctor

         This is the first episode of ENT to actually be good in my opinion. Not strongly good, but better than average by a bit. They did this by mostly stealing the structure of Data's Day but without the commitment to stick with it the entire time which would have helped. In this case we follow Dr. Phlox through his navigation of human mating rituals and an ethical dilemma involving two alien races. Where it falls especially short is Archer's talk about some sort of future rule that would govern their actions involving aliens, but honestly I am not sure the prime directive would apply here. They have been contacted by warp species already and are actively going into space looking for help. It will serve humanity right if the Ferengi come back and solve the problem, but at a different cost. And I get that they all feel bad for the Menk, but maybe give the Valakians the cure with the stipulation that they treat the Menk differently. I bet it would be worth THE SURVIVAL OF THEIR SPECIES, but maybe I am wrong. Wouldn't hurt to try though.
         We open with Phlox taking care of his various critters and narrating a letter to a human colleague who is living on his world. On the bridge they have encountered a small non-warp craft with two lifeforms on board, and they aren't in good shape. Phlox is able to revive them but they tell him they are suffering a crippling disease that is destroying their people. They are Valakian and request Enterprises help and after consulting with T'Pol Archer agrees. On Valakia they discover that there are actually two intelligent species on the world, the Valakians and the Menk who are less intelligent but seem well treated. Meanwhile Phlox goes to a movie with Crewman Cutler and afterwards she gives him a kiss on the cheek which he consults Sato about. 
         Phlox decides to take blood samples from the Menk since they aren't suffering from the disease and discovers they are quite intelligent and seem to be being help back by the Valakians who deny them access to fertile land. The doctor figures out that the Valakians don't have a disease, instead they are gradually breaking down genetically and within two centuries they will all be dead. He finds a cure but talks to Archer before doing anything about it. He tells him that he is worried about altering the course of history, the Menk are evolving rapidly but won't go much further with the Valakians in their way. He wants to not give them the cure and let nature take its course which alarms Archer. But the next day Archer decides to go with Phlox's recommendation. Archer gains some incite into how the Vulcans view humanity and Phlox tells Culter about his three wives.

         Review: Finally an episode I actually liked! Good to know they won't all be terrible even if Archer is clearly the worst captain so far.

6 out of 10

ENT: Silent Enemy

         It is almost like it is as hard to get Malcolm to open up about himself as it is for the audience to care about him. I am not saying I dislike him, but I know basically nothing about him other than that he enjoys getting to shoot stuff sometimes. Also he is British I guess. Not sure why they decided to have his navy loving parents not approve of a ship in the stars, but whatever. Maybe they put that in only to make it understandable that they don't know his favorite food? Also, seriously, he never talked about food at all in his childhood? I bet he is one of those bastards who eats soylent because actually food is just too much of a hassle. Overall though I thought this was a decent episode. Stuff happened, they had to deal with it, etc. I didn't really buy the tension over whether they were going to stop by earth for some upgrades, but whatever. Also, Jupiter isn't exactly earth, but again, whatever.
         We open with Enterprise deploying a subspace relay and a mysterious ship showing up, looking Enterprise over and then leaving. T'Pol hasn't seen them before and nothing is logged on sensors. Archer puts in a call to Malcolm's parents to try and figure out what his favorite food is for his birthday but they don't know much more about him than the audience at this point. The aliens show up and this time open fire before leaving which makes Archer think maybe they should head home for some weapons they were promised but weren't ready when they deployed. For whatever reason they decide Malcolm and Trip don't like this and decide to try and build their own cannons instead so they don't have to go home. Sato gets the job of figuring out Malcolms favorite food from Archer and proceeds to make a B story out of it. 
         The aliens show up again and attack again only this time they also send a shuttle with a boarding part. We get some lame horror movie lighting to make it seem mysterious. The aliens knock out some crew and do invasive scans on them before heading to the shuttle bay and then leaving. Malcolm talks Trip into some sketchy wiring on the new cannons and it is time for a test fire. The cannons work, too well in face and blow out a bunch of relays at which point they realize the aliens left something behind that is producing a ton of power. So Archer uses it to send a message before shooting it with a phaser which somehow doesn't kill him despite it PRODUCING A TON OF POWER. Oh well. The aliens return and the cannons prove no match at regular power so Trip figures a way to overload them again which doing too much damage and it works. They drive the aliens away and Archer brings some beer to the armory. Sato shows up with a cake filled with pineapple, Malcolm's favorite food.

         Review: Without some of the flaws above this could have been an actually good episode, but instead they drove it back down to average which is too bad.

5 out of 10

ENT: Cold Front

         It seemed like they kinda forgot the Temporal Cold War thing they set up in the pilot episode, but no, they just don't seem to have a plan for it but are going ahead anyway. I am honestly not sure who is even supposed to be the bad guy at this point. Sure, future guy seems creepy so he will probably turn out to be the bad one, but the other faction doesn't seem any less sinister or more trustworthy. Especially since the alleged bad faction is the one who clearly saved Enterprise from destruction. Also damn, Archer is even worse in a fight than I thought. And after he narrowly survives to get his gun back he makes the same mistake a second time allowing the bad guy to totally get away and then they don't even try to chase him for no reason. Are we supposed to think this shuttle sized ship is faster than Enterprise? And if so, maybe say that instead of Archer just giving up for no clear reason. 
         We open with Enterprise stopping by a stellar nursery to do some science, or maybe just to look around since it is Archer in charge. We also see a Suliban being modified and yelled at by the future guy so I think it is supposed to be the one who tried to kill Archer previously. They run into a ship full of pilgrims who Archer welcomes aboard for a cultural exchange. While on a tour of engineering one of the pilgrims sneaks off and unplugs something in machine. Things suddenly go very bad and the ship almost explodes but it turns out the thing that saved them was the unplugged bit in engineering. Archer is then confronted by crewman Daniels who reveals he is a time traveler from 900 years in the future. He says that the Suliban are there to try and kill Archer or something so he offers to augment the sensors to detect them. He then totally unsuspiciously orders everyone out of engineering before being blasted into pieces by the Suliban (but not actually clear if he is dead) who then also shoots Archer. Archer manages to track down the Suliban after he is revived. The Suliban tells him Daniels is the real bad guy before attacking Archer and then opening the shuttle bay they are both in to space. Archer manages to get to safety and the Suliban jumps out the open door into space and escapes in the shuttle that Archer decides not to chase for no reason. We close with Archer sealing Daniels quarters since who knows what could be in there!!!

         Review: I don't hate the idea for this episode, but it was pretty badly executed. I don't even hate the idea of ambiguous factions, but maybe make the story make a little sense too. 

4 out of 10

ENT: Fortunate Son

         Yes, I can admit it, I skipped watching Star Trek yesterday so I could go see Rogue One, but at least I wore a TNG shirt to it so maybe that makes up for a bit. As for today's episode, I actually liked Fortunate Son. It had action but it felt like it was central to the story. I really liked seeing the Nausicaans, especially since they were shown to be both brutal, but also actually fairly reasonable when it came down to it. Travis finally got to do something important, but yes, it was entirely on the basis of him having grown up on a space ship. But it also made sense in the context of the episode and didn't seem totally out of the blue (like Chakotay dating Seven). This is clearly the best episode of the series so far both in just being decent but also feeling like Trek with a message about seeking non-violent solutions to problems.
         We open on the cargo ship Fortunate with the captain throwing a football back and forth with his first officer when they are attacked by Nausicaans. Enterprise changes course to lend a hand and finds the Nausicaans gone but the Fortunate isn't answering hails. Travis warns them that freighter people are used to dealing with their own problems but Archer decides to send a shuttle over to offer help. The first officer of the Fortunate is in charge at the moment, a man named Ryan, because the captain was badly hurt in the attack. He agrees to the offer of aid hesitantly and we soon see why, he is hiding a Nausicaan prisoner. They get to work on the Fortunate and Travis starts hanging out with Ryan and the two seem to be becoming friends, but Ryan openly resents that Travis left the freighter he grew up on to join Starfleet. Travis doesn't see it as a contradiction though he does miss his family.
         While working on repairs T'Pol detects something on scanners but returns to Enterprise before telling anyone. Archer confronts Ryan with the knowledge of the Nausicaan prisoner. Ryan agrees to let Archer talk to him but instead traps him in a cargo pod which he cuts loose before going to warp after Trip fails to disable his ship. Ryan manages to beat some shield frequencies out of the Nausicaan and goes on a revenge mission but of course it was a trap and he is soon surrounded and boarded. Enterprise detects the fighting and heads in to rescue them, again. The Nausicaans have Ryan pinned down and while Archer manages to get the Nausicaan captain to agree to cease hostilities if they surrender the prisoner Ryan refuses. Travis manages to talk him down though and for now everyone goes home safely.

         Review: This episode actually felt like it had a story that made sense and actually worked with the characters in meaningful ways. I hope this isn't the last we see of the Nausicaans! I hear their windy valley is awesome! All the praise though is mostly for it being better than the rest of ENT so far, it is pretty average for Trek on the whole.

5 out of 10

ENT: Civilization

         I think this is supposed to be an episode about fracking and I guess I kinda get that, but it still manages to fail pretty badly overall. First of all way too much of this episode is shot so dark that I couldn't really tell what was supposed to be going on. Second when they do the big reveal of the alien it wasn't anything we have seen before, and we already know he is an alien. It felt like it was supposed to be a big moment, but it wasn't at all. Also Archers attempts at romance make Geordi look like a player but of course since he is the captain it works anyway. Finally, if the Malurians are flying shuttles in literally every night shouldn't Enterprise have been able to pick that up? They can literally see peoples faces from high orbit, are we supposed to believe they can't detect a spaceship flying around? I am sure there is even more stupidity that I am forgetting, but that will do for now. 
         We open with Enterprise stopping by a heavily populated M-Class planet with a relatively low technology level. Of course Archer has to get them dressed up like locals and stop by for a visit after discovering neutrino emissions. They find the emission coming from an antiques shop but before they can investigate too much a local woman shows up with a crossbow to threaten them buy T'Pol shoots her instead. Somehow Archer knows how to get her home and he wakes up there with a bunch of questions and he lies about as well as a four year old covered in frosting being asked if they ruined the birthday cake. Archer and Trip confront the shop owner who turns out to be an alien but he also figures out they are aliens and tells them to leave and they do for no clear reason. On Enterprise Phlox figures out that bad aliens are polluting the ground water somehow (the woman with crossbow was worried about her people getting sick). Archer ends up making out with crossbow lady and together they discover the bad alien is shipping crates of something off planet. They confront one of the aliens and get some sort of gizmo that lets them get to the reactor and turn off the damping field hiding it. T'Pol and Enterprise meanwhile confront the alien mothership and the only way to defeat them is beam the reactor into space and then blow it up next to them. It works and after some mustache twirling the bad aliens agree to leave.

         Review: This really could have been a decent episode, but serious problems kept it below average, at least for non-ENT Trek.

4 out of 10

ENT: Breaking the Ice

         I am hitting the point in ENT where I am getting more and more sure that this is going to be bad. The theme song really doesn't help either so unlike every previous Trek I think skipping it going forward is going to be the only option. I should also probably just give up trying to figure out what the hell they are trying to say with the Vulcans because it is increasingly clear they aren't saying anything. Yesterday they were conniving bastards with all kinds of secret military shit and today they are peaceful lovers and whatever. Yeah, I am not into it. I guess I am glad they are finally giving Travis something to do, but then he just goes and breaks his leg. Also, comets have essentially no gravity, even relatively large comets. They could have picked up the shuttlepod and honestly wouldn't have been able to walk around at all.
         We open with Trip and T'Pol in the mess hall bickering as usual when a comet is discovered and since they name it after him Archer wants to just hang out and watch it for a few days. Yup. Also they decide to do some science but that is clearly not the important part. A Vulcan ship shows up and Trip detects a coded transmission between her and Enterprise so he finds and decodes it. Travis and Malcolm head down to get a core sample but waste time building a snowman so it is a huge crisis when Travis breaks his leg. Trip is horrified when he discovers T'Pol's transmission was a super personal letter so he goes to her to apologize. She is understandably upset but then decides to come back and talk to him about it since it turns out she is missing her own arranged wedding. Trip is about as sensitive about the subject as you would expect comparing it to slavery but also pushing some pecan pie. The shuttle somehow crashes through the surface of the comet and even Archer can't rescue the ship so T'Pol convinces him to ask the Vulcans for help. Just before we close T'Pol sends a message cancelling her marriage and eats some pecan pie.

         Review: So I guess they are setting up a relationship between T'Pol and Trip? Seems pretty unlikely but I guess that was the plan from the beginning. At least they had some sort of plan maybe.

4 out of 10

ENT: The Andorian Incident

         Another episode that largely felt like a Trek episode! Other than the Vulcan's being dirty liars and essentially the villains of the series so far. Also I am really not sure where they are going with T'Pol. I get that she is supposed to be a stoic Vulcan, but mostly she just seems unable to figure out what to do around humans. There is lots of stunned silence as she watches Archer actually solve problems. Also the matte painting of the Vulcan observation post was awful. Presumably a facility like that has some sort of soldiers or whatever who would rush to defend it. Also, maybe a door lock? And, why did the Andorian stop shooting at Archer to come see what he found. If he was actually as suspicious as he seemed earlier this is pretty strongly out of character. Finally, there were only FOUR Andorians, do you think Kirk would have let FOUR dudes hold him very long? But still this is getting closer to being Trek.
         We open with some meditating Vulcans being interrupted by armed Andorians. Back on Enterprise Archer and Trip are going over star charts complaining about Vulcans. They ask T'Pol if it would be cool if they stopped by a Vulcan monastery to chill for a bit, but she discourages them. So of course they do it anyway but when they arrive something seems odd. There are recent blast marks on the door and the monk who greets them is alone. This sets T'Pol off, but instead of helping she stands by and watches Trip and Archer bum rush an armed Andorian and then get captured by the rest. It seems the Andorians are sure the monks have some sort of spy array but they haven't found any proof, until now. It seems Enterprise's arrival has convinced them they are right so they try beating the information out of Archer. But of course it doesn't work. The monks offer to let them use an ancient transmitter after the Andorians destroy their coms. 
         Trip gets led into the ancient catacombs to use the transmitter and manages to get a signal through to Malcolm on the bridge letting him know to not send down another shuttle. Archer realizes the room the Andorians are working from is probably linked to the catacombs so he gets himself beaten up again to test it. Which is hella dumb because it turns out you can see into the room from the catacombs. Archer has a team of three beamed into the room with the prisoners so they can rush into the catacombs which I guess splits up the guards but they never say that is the plan. It works though and they take out to of the Andorians while the other two flee into the catacombs. We end with a firefight there which reveals the Andorians have been right all along and the Vulcans are dirty liars and T'Pol helps them reveal her people to be conniving for no good reason. The Andorian thanks Acher for his help and credits.

         Review: Like yesterday this felt like an episode, but it still fell a bit flat for me. Too much of it made no sense and or completely conflicted with what we have established about Vulcans.

4 out of 10

ENT: Terra Nova

         While this would be a fairly weak episode of any series, it is so far the best episode of ENT! Not really saying much, but this at least felt like an episode of Trek. Unfortunately it felt like a fairly pale shadow of an actually good episode like Who Watches the Watchers or honestly Miri. I hadn't really put it together until I wrote that, but this episode is a lot like Miri. But that episode had been combined with some of the silly elements from Beyond The Thunderdome. Also, I am really not sure where they are going with the Vulcans, and T'Pol in particular. I had finally figured out that she was supposed to be first officer, so why does Trip get left in charge while Archer heads to the surface instead of her? She is right there on the bridge and he is just chief engineer. An important job for sure, but not the same job as first officer. 
         We open with Enterprise on her way to check on the first human colony outside the solar system, the titular Terra Nova. They are aware there were problems around 70 years ago and no one has heard from the colony since. There are some racist justifications why they didn't ask the Vulcans to help before they make it. They find the colony empty and fairly irradiated. But of course they spot mysterious figures who flee into a cave and I guess we are supposed to think they are aliens but it was obvious they were humans. They follow them into the cave but Malcolm gets shot and captured while the rest flee. They return unarmed and are sorta welcomed this time for no clear reason. Malcolm has a bullet in his let but they talk the Terrans into letting Phlox treat him. The Terrans blame earth for what happened to them and refuse to believe it was just a meteor. They also refuse to believe they are human. Archer talks one of the older women into coming back to Enterprise to get her cancer treated and the Terran leader comes along. After some research they discover only the Terran children survived and the ones who remain are their descendants, but the old woman was there when it happened. They go back to the surface but their shuttle sinks so they can contrive a way for Archer to help the Terrans. It works and they agree to be relocated on the same planet to a place with less radiation.

         Review: Not a great episode but the best I have seen so far. It at least felt like it was trying to be a Trek episode so that is something.

4 out of 10

ENT: Unexpected

         I guess I should have known the day my wife and I announced her pregnancy I would get a Trek episode about being pregnant. And so of course this episode is entirely either Hollywood stereotypes about being pregnant or crazy alien pregnancy jokes. Anyway, I didn't think this one was great. I also had issues with the Klingon subplot. I guess they are retconing them to now be the TNG/DS9 Klingons rather than the reckless raiders of TOS. Also, T'Pol can just lie now? We don't give any fucks about Vulcan's not really getting that. Maybe Spock was supposed to be extra bad at it beause he was compensating for being part human, but if so, maybe say that or something.
         We open with a bunch of random systems failing all over Enterprise. After some sciencing they discover an eddy in their warp exhaust so Archer lights the plasma revealing a cloaked ship and maybe damaging the engines. There is a Xyrillian ship there and they manage to communicate. The Xryillian's engine has failed and they request help so Trip volunteers go to. He has to go through what they call decompression but it is clearly more than that since there are a bunch of fumes and burning in his lungs. When he gets inside he is greeted by lizard people and ignores their suggestion that he rest. He starts tripping out and asks to go home but Archer orders him to take a nap. When he wakes up he feels better and starts flirting with the Xryllian engineer. They fix the engine together and she takes him to a holodeck and they share thoughts by putting their hands in a bowl of glowing pebbles. Trip goes home but soon finds out he is pregnant with her child. Lots of pregnancy jokes later they find the Xyrillian ship hiding behind some Klingons and talk the Klingons into working with them in exchange for the holodeck tech I guess? The Xyrillians don't seem stoked by agree and trip gets his baby girl removed and put into one of the Xyrillians.

         Review: Not great, but actually a little better than the last couple. I am going to stick with the same score though for the lack of creativity.

3 out of 10

ENT: Strange New World

         They really seem to have vastly lower standards at this point in Starfleet than in the not so distant future. Yes, I know one of Kirk's crew died from eating something he picked up off the ground at one point, but that doesn't seem quite as reckless as bringing your dog along to an unknown world. Also it seems like none of them has ever used a tent before. They spend hours with the tents unzipped and then are surprised when there are giant bugs in their sleeping bags. I would be willing to believe they have literally never been in a tent before it this was TNG days, but they are the first ship to leave the solar system it seems like, these people all grew up on earth. Surely one of them has spent a night in a tent in mosquito territory.
         We open with the crew stumbling upon a lush world while exploring a nebula. And no, they don't explain what it is doing in a nebula. They immediately send down a team to explore and of course bring Portho. After the captain wanders aimlessly for a few hours while T'Pol tries to do some actual science the captain returns to Enterprise while T'Pol and Trip along with some other crew stay behind to camp for the night. They stay up late telling ghost stories while T'Pol rolls her eyes and then go to bed in poorly set up tents. Things go poorly though and a huge wind storm picks up and also there are bugs. They flee to a cave but start freaking out that they are seeing rock people or something. One of them goes outside and starts freaking out and is eventually beamed up but there is a problem and debris is embedded in his skin. On the surface they all start freaking out, especially Trip. He is convinced T'Pol is on league with the rock people so it is no surprise when Phlox finds that a hallucinogen from plant pollen was blown up by the wind storm. Trip pulls a gun on T'Pol and after some help from Archer she has to shoot him. Phlox beams down a cure and everyone is fine the next morning.

         Review: Not much happened again in tonight's episode. I mean, I guess they found a new world, but it wasn't very interesting. Trip continues to be kinda unreliable and T'Pol continues to be the most competent one on the ship.

3 out of 10

ENT: Fight or Flight

         After two days of double episodes I was ready for a regular length one. And in that sense I wasn't disappointed. In most other senses I was, but not that one. The crew and especially captain continue to make baffling choices. Also the, "all you have to do is believe in yourself," message is especially dumb when it comes to telling Sato to just translate without the computer. I am pretty sure that isn't how languages work. Also Sato's constant complaining is well on its way to making her my least favorite character on the show. The worst part was honestly when she dropped her pet banana slug off on a desert planet. Let me give you a hint, mucus covered animals like slugs don't like super dry places.
         We open with the slug mess the only good part of which is Dr. Phlox trying to convince Sato to let his bat eat the slug. Next she goes to complain to the captain that her quarters are on the wrong side, he lets her switch. There is some messing with the weapons systems which still don't seem to be able to hit anything. They are finally interrupted by the discovery of a ship adrift. Archer insists on leading an away team despite the objections of his first officer. Also, is T'Pol his first officer? I guess so, seems odd. Anyway, they find a bunch of bodies on board being drained of some chemical. Then they leave. And then Archer decides he doesn't want to leave so they go back and are attacked by the people they somehow assume are responsible. Luckily for them they hostiles decide to haul them in rather than destroy them and a ship like the crippled one shows up. Sato can't talk to them but then she believes in herself and can. The other aliens save them and they dump Sato's slug on a desert planet where it will die.

         Review: Making an episode about your characters being bored is a dumb idea. Having the captain be totally erratic in his decisions is extra dumb. Not liking where this is going so far.

3 out of 10

ENT: Broken Bow

         Boldly going into a Trek I haven't seen before. Well, I have seen this episode before and while I don't remember it well I clearly liked it better this time. That or I am justifying it to myself since I am going to watch the rest of the show either way. This is very much the sex and shooting Star Trek and I don't mean that in a good way. I am not saying Trek should be always be about the nature of humanity and or crazy science fiction stuff, but it is often at its best when it has both that and some kinda of drama or action. Having Archer be racist against Vulcans as a thing he was raised with and then having him seemingly get over it in a single episode seemed pretty damn unrealistic. And finally before I get to my summary, an alien doctor? Really? It was hilarious on Futurama which came out two years BEFORE this show. Honestly though he seems like one of the more likable characters at this point though, so we shall see.
         We open with a child Archer working on a model space ship being told by his father than Vulcans are only holding them back. Cut to thirty years later and a Klingon is fleeing some strange looking aliens through a corn field. He blows them up in a silo before being shot by a farmer for not dropping his weapon. Next we see Archer and Trip inspecting the Enterprise before being called down to Starfleet medical. Admiral Forrest and Ambassador Soval are discussing what to do with Klaang, the injured Klingon. Soval and his aide, Sub-commander T'Pol, don't seem to want the humans to get involved but Forrest decides to send Archer and the Enterprise to get Klaang home. Onboard Archer tells Trip that T'Pol will be joining them as science officer and they are both openly hostile to her when she joins them in the ready room. Cut to one of the odd looking aliens from the opening talking to a mysterious figure about some sort of evidence Klaang apparently has with him.
         There is a long of messing around and Archer picks up a translator but they eventually get under way. On the way Klaang awakens but the translator can't do much to help. Suddenly invisible aliens show and while Archer manages to kill one they abduct Klaang. It seems the aliens are Suliban who have been modified. They manage to track back to the last place he was and land at a trade complex. After visiting some strippers they locate Klingons but are attacked by more Suliban and are taken prisoner. Other than Archer who is taken to a human woman who kisses him and then reveals she is Suliban actually. And that she is good and I guess also the one who kidnapped him? And she says she is not part of the Cabal, but honestly it doesn't matter since she dies about a minute later. But she does tell Archer that there is a temporal cold war going on and Klaang has evidence to stop a Klingon civil war or something. Also Archer gets shot and sedated by the doctor and T'Pol helps instead of giving up on his plan when she is left in charge. Also, seriously, Trip lets her take over? 
         They track Klaang to a gas giant and find a huge space station made of small ships inside. They get driven out of the area by armed pods but manage to capture one. Trip and Archer take the pod and manage to rescue Klaang but for no apparent reason Archer stays behind making his ship have to risk everything to come back for him. It serves him right when they use the still somewhat experimental transporter to get him on board. They take Klaang to his people and aren't killed for it so I guess it goes fine. Archer asks T'Pol to stay on as science officer as they are given and open ended mission of exploration and she says yes.

         Review: Lots of action and some really dumb decisions by main characters. Not terrible to watch, but not much fun to go back and think about. Better than I remembered, but still a really weak start.

4 out of 10

VOY: Endgame

         For the past 15 years I have heard that the end of Voyager is, "hella disappointing," (regional dialect, you understand), and I have to respectfully disagree. Ok, I will concede that the Seven/Chakotay thing came on a little fast, but hey, it is a time travel episode. And speaking of, I think it is entirely appropriate for VOY to end with crazy time travel, Janeway crossing lines that weren't meant to be crossed, and BORG BORG BORG. More than any other series VOY has been about the Borg and getting to deal a blow to them and get home is the kind of thing you end a story with. Yes, it would have been nice to maybe have a bit more of them actually getting home, but honestly that would have probably been disappointing. Do we really need a Star Wars style medal ceremony or something? VOY ended like it ran and I think that makes this a solid final episode.
         We open 10 years after Voyager complete her 23 year voyage home with Admiral Janeway watching news coverage of the event. Cut to a reunion of the crew in her apartment the next day. Kim made captain and the Doctor is married, but there is a not of sadness for those they lost along the way including presumably Seven and Chakotay as they are missing. Janeway gets Torres alone and hears that Korath has the thing she has been looking for. Later she is preparing to give a lecture to Barclay's academy class when she is called away, the thing is finally ready. Janeway stops by the Doctor and picks up a huge dose of an experimental drug before saying good bye to Tuvok. Next she visits Chakotay's grave before disappearing on a shuttle she arranged for. 
         Back in the present B'Elanna wakes up sure her baby is one the way, but it is a false alarm. Chakotay stops by the cargo bay and finds Seven has a picnic dinner ready to go and we learn this is their third date. In the mess hall Tuvok loses a game of kal-toh to Icheb before heading to sickbay for treatment. It seems he has a condition he is keeping secret from the captain. In astrometrics Seven is playing a game with Neelix but is interrupted by sensors telling her there is a a wormhole ahead in a nebula. In the future Tuvok isn't taking Janeway's departure well which alarms the Doctor. He talks to Barclay who can't help spill the beans on the plan. Janeway meanwhile arrives on a rocky planet for the thing, but Korath reneges on the deal and she is forced out. In the past Voyager enters the nebula but encounters a Borg cube and hides which seems to work. But onboard we hear them making plans to assimilate Voyager which are interrupted by the Queen. 
         After a meeting Janeway decides it is too risky to go after a wormhole and only Kim disagrees. Chakotay asks Seven on another date but she stops by sickbay first to have the Doctor disable her implants that impede her emotions. In the future Janeway returns to Korath's cave, but this time she isn't messing around. She agrees to all his demands but then steals the thing and turns on her hull armor. She escapes but is caught by Captain Kim and the USS Rhode Island. Kim tries to order her around, but it takes about 2 minutes before he is doing as told and helps her complete her plan. In the past Seven and Chakotay are beginning their next date when they are called to the bridge, a temporal anomaly has opened in front of the ship. In the future Janeway has also opened the rift but is under fire by Korath's Klingon ships. The Rhode Island arrives just in time to realize what she is planning and watch her ship disappear into the past.
         In the past Admiral Janeway orders Captain Janeway to close the rift and after some resistance she complies. They spend a long time confirming she is who she says she is, and during the scans the Doctor detects a neural transceiver that turns out to be his design. Janeway is visibly startled when Seven walks in, but she resists telling her about the future. That night when she regenerates Seven is contacted by the Borg Queen who threatens to assimilate Voyager if they enter the nebula again and is then hit by a shock that knocks her unconscious. She wakes up in sickbay and the two Janeways are arguing about what it means. Future Janeway prevails for now though and convinces the captain to modify Voyager with the tech she gained through her years of fighting the Borg and they agree to go back into the nebula.
         When they arrive they are met by strong resistance but Voyager's new armor is enough to stop Borg weapons and the new torpedoes destroy cubes in no time. In the center of the nebula they find a huge structure with Cubes flying around it. The admiral orders them into it, but the captain tells Paris no. She is pissed the admiral didn't tell her one of the six transwarp hubs in the whole galaxy was here and for some reason orders them out of the nebula. They have a meeting and over the objections of the admiral, Captain Janeway orders the crew to come up with a plan to destroy the hub since this will stop the Borg from spreading nearly as quickly. Future Janeway is hella pissed and goes around telling people her reasons starting with telling herself about Tuvok and how there is a cure in the Alpha Quadrant. She also tells Seven about what happens with her and Chakotay and how he can't handle the loss of her which leads to him dying. 
         But none of it works, instead though the admiral comes up with a plan to both destroy the hub AND get them home. Some time later the captain gives the admiral an injection before the admiral leaves on her shuttle. Seven and Chakotay have to work out Seven's fear of what the loss of her will do to Chakotay (this is exactly what I am talking about, this would have worked better if this relationship was longer than this episode). In sickbay Torres goes into labor but sends Paris to the bridge as they enter the nebula. The Borg Queen is startled to see Janeway in front of her, but finds that it is a hologram when she tries to assimilate her. Janeway taunts her that she won't be able to track her but the queen does and beams the real Janeway to her. But when she assimilates her something goes horribly wrong and the unicomplex starts falling apart along with the queen. Voyager enters the hub and shoots torpedoes back destroying the entrance and starting a shockwave that spreads through the conduits. Janeway taunts the queen until the entire unicomplex explodes.
         The queen managed to send one sphere in after them though and it closes on Voyager. Since she did assimilate Janeway it has weapons that can damage the armor. Things look grim and Janeway gives some sort of mysterious order. In the Alpha Quadrant Starfleet has detected the transwarp conduit opening and Admiral Paris leads a fleet to stop the invasion. The sphere bursts through and they weapons are totally ineffective. But suddenly the sphere explodes and Voyager appears in the wreckage. Janeway is welcomed back by Paris and Barclay. Torres babies cries come on over the coms and Tom flies Voyager back to Earth.

         Review: Probably the best adventure episode on all of VOY so that is certainly a good thing. The Chakotay/Seven thing wasn't great, but it didn't ruin the episode. A very VOY conclusion in just about every way. On to ENT...

8 out of 10

VOY: Renaissance Man

         I have always been a fan of the Doctor. He is probably the most distinctive character from all of VOY, but it feels like in the last season or so the writers have been desperate to make us like him less. Message in a Bottle was the high water mark and ever since it has felt like they are trying to make him unlikable. In this episode in particular he is super devious in how he works to carry out the evil alien plan, and totally flat footed when it came to coming up with a plan to stop them. He fell right into their trap too and it was only Janeway who was able to save the day. And again she forgives him for directly contravening her orders and almost stranding them forever in the Delta Quadrant. Probably the best part of this episode was seeing the other actors having to do their version of the Doctor pretending to be them.
         We open with the Doctor piloting the Flyer while loudly singing opera. Janeway emerges from the back clearly pissed at his loud singing. He goes on to lecture her on how superior holograms are to people in his classically patronizing way. Cut to Voyager and there is a problem with the Flyer. They came under attack and as soon as Janeway is aboard she pulls Chakotay aside and tells him they are in hostile territory and the only option is to dump the warp core and maroon themselves on a planet. There is allegedly some sort of armada on the way. Chakotay doesn't like what he hears and starts investigating. The captain is always clearly acting odd talking to people no one else can hear. We quickly learn that the "captain" is actually the Doctor pretending to be her. After some digging Chakotay confronts her in her quarters but she pulls out a hypo and knocks him out. She gets B'Elanna working on a plan to tow the warp core with the Flyer. Along the way he calls the aliens directing him and they show him Janeway who directly orders him to not do what he is doing but he does it anyway.
         People start figuring him out eventually and Tuvok struggles with him in sickbay. The Doctor escapes into the cooridors and eventually makes his way to the Flyer after ejecting the warp core. He takes it to the aliens who promptly lock him up along with the Captain breaking their word. Janeway is pissed but she starts working on the subordinate alien and eventually when the Flyer and a shuttle show up to rescue them the subordinate knocks his boss out with an engine part. The Doctors program destabilizes though and he rushes back to the ship. He is sure he is going to die and starts confessing things including his love to Seven. But of course B'Elanna saves the day and he is left embarrassed. Janeway decides he has punished himself enough after he stays in sickbay for a week and orders him to have coffee with her on the holodeck.

         Review: I don't really like what they have done with the Doctors character, but at the same time it is fun to see him gradually replacing more crew while trying to hide the bodies along the way. Overall a fun episode with some questions raised about who the Doctor really is.

6 out of 10

VOY: Homestead

         This is one of those episodes that was at least partly spoiled by the netflix description which I always try to avoid, but sometimes my eyes just fall on the wrong part of the screen. Also it would have been really nice if they started doing their wrap up episodes a little earlier so they didn't seem so forced or obviously wrap up eps. Plus, other than missing his family, Neelix never seemed to miss being around other Talaxians, they kinda seemed like a bunch of jerks. And honestly the ones we meet in this episode are pretty obnoxious, but I guess they are Neelix's people. 
         We open with Neelix putting on a celebration of Earth's first contact with the Vulcans which seems appropriate since the movie about it was such an influence on the show. As Janeway prepares to order Tuvok to dance with Neelix she is interrupted with news that they have discovered a colony of Talaxians. And no, they never bother to explain how they made it so far only saying they traveled for five years. But without the Borg transwarp conduit and some help from Kes Voyager would have never made it this far so fast. But whatever. Neelix and company head over on the Flyer since the colony is inside an asteroid in an asteroid field and once they get close the ship is damaged by an explosion. Neelix wakes up being cared for by a Talaxian woman named Dexa who maybe is forbidden to talk to him? She won't let him see his friends and leaves him locked in a cell. But her son does come to visit. She shows up later with the so called leader of the Talaxians and he tells Neelix he is free to go but not to talk with people so Neelix goes on a tour of the colony with Dexa. 
         As he leaves miners show up and demand that the Talaxians leave the asteroid they are squatting in since it is theirs to mine. Janeway tries to negotiate a deal but the miners aren't willing to budge. So Neelix comes up with a plan to build a shield grid and defend the colony staying behind as their leader. They come under fire from the miners but Janeway ignores the prime directive and shows up with the Flyer to save Neelix. The shield grid works and Neelix stays behind as ambassador to the Delta Quadrant which is kinda silly if he is going to spend his life inside a hidden asteroid colony being attacked by some sort of presumably effective government, but whatever.

         Review: I kinda skipped over the plot about Neelix falling in love with Dexa since it didn't really make much sense to me on screen. I think it would have been easier to understand if Neelix hadn't gone so long without seeming to miss his people at all.

4 out of 10

VOY: Natural Law

         I guess I should be happy they made it this far into VOY without a blatant Chakotay "noble savage" episode. But they really did it this time by not having it be Chakotay who is worried about spoiling the pure and true savages, but Seven. At the same time I think this was supposed to be about the uncontacted native tribes still living in the amazon today and I have to say I have mixed feelings about whether we should contact them or not. We have access to medical care and many other valuable things that would let them live longer lives, the question is would they actually be better off, and I have to say I think they would. Native peoples are just as smart and innovative as we are and if you believe as I do that society has been making progress over the millennia than doesn't it make sense to bring the good that we have to people like this? But I do have the say the locals who wanted to move in on the primitive people in this case did seem more like strip miners than cultural ambassadors. Also I want to point out that there are only three episodes left and Seven still isn't even dating Chakotay despite being trapped on a jungle paradise world with him.
         We open with Seven and Chakotay heading to a conference when they encounter an energy barrier that knocks out their engines. Seven figures a way through it but the shuttle is wrecked and they barely transport out with their lives. Paris meanwhile is stopped by local authorities for piloting the Flyer recklessly and sentenced to three days of pilot school. Seven and Chakotay decide to try and build a beacon from the parts of the wrecked shuttle but Chakotay has a broken leg and can't go far. They encounter some locals and after insisting they not contact them he sends Seven off to look for parts and waits so close that there is no chance they won't find him. And they do, when Seven returns he is having his wound tended by the stone age locals. Of course Chakotay can figure out how to talk to them since he is a native american and they manage to figure out where the front part of the shuttle landed. Seven heads off to find it since she can use it to open the energy barrier. On Voyager they have figured out where the shuttle crashed, but aren't as far along on a plan to figure out how to get it open.
         Despite her reservations Seven goes with one of the local women to find the deflector and along the way is taken to a waterfall to appreciate it or something, and she actually does seem to appreciate it. There is some sort of delay and she finds the thing, but Chakotay comes out to find her as well for no clear reason other than he has no combadge and they will need to beam him up soon (not that he knows this). Seven gets the barrier down but stays behind at first to care for an injured local. When she returns to the village she is horrified to find that the more advanced nearby people who have Tom in driving school have showed up and are taking stock of the village. She heads back to Voyager pissed and Janeway agrees after some hesitation. But more of the bureaucrat locals show up and muscle them out so Janeway has to call Tom to bust out of his driving class and come to the rescue. He beams out the survey team and then the deflector putting the barrier back in place. We close with Chakotay bring Seven a blanket he got on the planet because she might get cold in the cargo bay or something since they have to be dating and or married in a few episodes.

         Review: The main story was a little weak, but the hilarious DMV hi jinks of Tom Paris were pretty classic. Especially since Dragon Ball Z has an episode with a similar premise...

4 out of 10